Weed eradication and earth day: an Oregon FAIRIE tale

Another earth day has been thankfully cremated and the ashes flushed down the FULL flush toilet that uses 3.5 gallons of water a flush. If it ain't broke, don't fix it or mess with it. So we don't!

This is a recounting of what happens when those who are oh so politically correct, so perfect in their lives, all they strive to do because they have partaken of the kool aid, allowed themselves to be brainwashed into thinking that the sky is falling from globull warming, anything that is related to the Constitution, capitalism, the FREEDOM to keep and bear arms, that most white people are inherently evil, and of course that all of the above makes them all experts on what is best for the rest of us. I am really sorry I do not have a good cell phone with a decent camera for incidents such as this one.

On Saturday, the 21st I thought I would get an early jump on the weeds that we (I) have to contend with on OUR property. My wife and I have an agreement that has worked for many years. She keeps up the inside of our home and I take care of the outside of the home and our vehicles. We both pitch in and help each other out and I do not mind housework except that I have been totally banned from having anything to do with the laundry and I mean anything. My wife issued a lifetime ban about 20 years ago when I accidentally tossed four brand new made in Ireland, handmade wool and cotton sweaters into the dryer on high heat for way too long. I had washed them just fine but they came out of the dryer a wee bit small, like in shrank down to the size to fit a barbie doll. I will carry the scars to my grave. Oh well...back to the 21st.

Weed control to me is making this as easy as possible on all parties concerned which means myself. Having worked in the citrus groves starting at age 10, I received an excellent education on pesticides, herbicides, fungicides, how to best use and apply these chemicals. My friends and myself would often be responsible for spraying the citrus trees and keeping the lanes between the rows of trees weed free. We set, filled and lit smudge pots and wind generators when the temperature nosed below 38 degrees. Having worked in the timber industry as a logger and as a wildland hotshot firefighter, I was always around or working with these chemicals. It is just part and parcel for me to use them at home which has never been a problem until this past Saturday, the 21st.

The day was pleasantly warm with no breeze. In other words perfect for spraying. I filled the tank sprayer with a custom blend of several herbicides that I had developed over the years, threw on my nasty cut off shorts, equally nasty tank top (these are clothes that are so nasty and threadbare, that they should be burned and do not think the Mrs. has not tried), straw cowboy hat, a nice big Pardon Cameroon cedar wrapped cigar and strolled out front to lay waste to the weeds. I sprayed down the side yard and back along the alley without any problems at all. Had a nice conversation with the folks who manage the apartments behind our house and sprayed the weeds in their gravel area just because I am such a nice guy. Time to refill the sprayer, grab another cigar, a cold IPA (OK two, three or maybe it was four IPA's) and take care of the parking strip weeds.

I had just got about half way done and I sensed, yes sensed a presence instead of hearing anything or anyone. I turned around towards the street and was looking straight into a Toyota Prius hatchback full of earth day happy celebrants, oblivious to all but those who who were babbling goreisms, praising the one who lied, bribed his way into the White House, riding a unicorn named Chicago. Around here, this entire weekend is devoted to events built around the fallacy of earth day and extremist environmentalism. There is the rare, occasional event that does some good like cleaning up all the trash left by a pro illegal alien rally plus a 'fair' where these illegal alien lawbreakers can go to get information on how to obtain free healthcare and social services courtesy of our taxes. Damn hybrids and electric cars make hardly any noise so they can sneak up on you, like this Prius did to me. I sensed trouble and was not disappointed. I actually just want to be left alone but I have always attracted 'attention' of some sort my entire life. I should have known and Mom was right, again.

The conversation went something like this: (My answers, thoughts and responses are in purple.) We (not I but We) could not help noticing you are spraying native vegetation close to the street, which is publicly owned, you know by the taxpayers, which includes me and my friends here. I looked inside the Prius and saw three pretty hairy women and a little wimpy, scrawny dude who had a bunch of tattoos and way too many piercings. One side of his head had been shaved, the other side had four or five long, stringy lengths of hair, two of which had tiny 'long live Trayvon Martin' buttons attached to the hair. Ya know, Trayvon Martin is dead and so is one side of your brain but I bet you knew this already? They all shot me nasty, cold stares and their bodies all stiffened at once. Maybe you should choose friends who smell better. Know what a razor and soap is and how to use it? They acted like they did not hear me.

This one surely is a beauty, compared to what??

The 'women' were all adorned with obama 2012, pro-choice, narl, peta, and similarly themed pins. Two of them were wearing code pinko tank tops and the other one had on a top that said "Israel is the problem". The anti- Israel one had little pink bows done up in her ARMPIT hair. That is just plain weird to me and not practicing personal hygiene is bad enough but little pink ribbons there? Luckily my mind did NOT wonder about other excessively hairy areas, ewwww. Yep, this was not going to go well for them.

You are standing on MY property and why is it any of your business what I am doing on my property? Would you please step away from me and be sure it is downwind while you are at it. That is a very rude thing to say. You are extremely rude bothering me about what I am doing on MY property and you all stopped here on your own. Not my fault. You seem to have a problem with natural, strong, confident women, am I correct? No, you are not and I have a problem with anyone who decides to be 'natural', has way more hair than my dog and smells much worse than he does after he rolls in something dead. Am I correct and by the way, I am spraying herbicides on weeds that if allowed to grow to maturity will have multiple thorns on them and spread everywhere. The state has this particular weed listed as invasive and as a nuisance.

My cigar had gone out which totally hacked me off so I pulled out my Zippo and lit it again, making sure the smoke 'accidentally' got blown inside the car. The other two 'females' got out of the car, quite upset about the cigar smoke. I was actually surprised they could smell the cigar smoke over themselves and yes, the stench was that nasty. I made sure that I stayed on our property.

You should NEVER smoke around chemicals the wisp o' man yelled and then he sneered at me. We are on our way to the celebration down in the canyon to honor and for the protection of mother earth. (His direct words.) Maybe you should rethink what you are doing to the native vegetation and how what you do relates to everyone else. No, I do not need to rethink much of anything except why I am wasting my time on the likes of you four earth muffins, and how typical it is for losers like you to stop and harass other people who are quietly going about their lives. What is in the sprayer, if we can ask and did you know there are other methods to combat unwanted native vegetation? I already told you what is in the tank sprayer and what other methods might one consider? They all seemed really pleased at this 'opening' to 'help' me out. Well, there are newspapers you can place on top of the weeds, I mean uh native vegetation, to smother them out or you can rent out a herd of goats to eat them or pull them out by hand or what WE think is the best idea, let your parking strip revert back to nature, you know become natural.

Amazing! Like I had not given any of these thought? Actually, no because they are all stupid and would cause more problems. The newspapers, bad idea as the wind is always blowing here and are you all going to pick up all those newspapers that blow around and over into the park across the street? Herd of goats? These particular weeds can be very dangerous to any livestock that might eat them and a herd of goats for a strip of property maybe seven feet wide and 100 feet long? No goats here but goats can be successfully used for vegetation control especially when it comes to Blackberry vines and Poison Oak on much larger areas. I actually knew a couple many years ago that raised goats, Nubian goats and rented them out for vegetation removal. Goatman and Goatwoman and they were hoedads. That is another story. Pull them out by hand? I have a very shot back and shoulders. Maybe you four would like to come pull these weeds for me? They never did answer me back on that one and no shocker there. I doubt any of these tree huggin', earth loving morons has ever done an HONEST day of work in their red, collective lives. I asked them to seriously think about this as they would be helping mother earth they seem so worried about. Your last suggestion in regard to letting the strip revert back to nature and be natural? No way, and you four are a horrible example for letting things go back to nature or go natural. In addition, if these weeds are allowed to grow, the thorns these weeds WILL produce, will break off and cause many flat tires on bicycles, scooters and other such rigs. I grew up calling these weeds 'Bull Thorns'. Allowing these WEEDS to grow unchallenged, go natural would be almost as evil if you four were allowed to reproduce. Better yet maybe you all should kill yourselves for the good of the planet. Now that would be doing US ALL and the poor earth a favor. 

Those comments really ticked off these four earth muffins quite badly. Wisp o' man started coming towards me and and I raised the sprayer wand just inches away from his face and I dared him to grow a pair. I also got a good look at his tattoos and they were not well done at all. Of course he backed down and all four of them started swearing at me, yelling that white males are what is wrong with our country, and that obama must serve another term and it did not matter how he got elected. Hmmm, wonder where that comment came from, White House talking points, jeremiah 'damn the USA' wright, al 'the racebaiter' sharpton, from all of them? At least they got into the car and left me alone but not for long.

I finished up spraying the parking strip, our other gravel areas and was rinsing out the sprayer tank when a police car showed up and pulled into our driveway. Two officers got out with wisp o' man and the female muffin thingy that was wearing the shirt which proclaimed Israel was and is the problem. I noticed ALL the cruiser windows were down and neither officer got close to the hairy bitch or wisp o' man. I could smell them from five or six feet away from me. The two policemen were very polite and just wanted to ask me a few questions about my so called 'threat(s). I explained the entire affair to them but not without the two tree huggers interrupting me on several occasions and calling me a racist liar. When I was finished I asked the two cops if there was any possibility of me being able to press charges against these stupid morons for TRESPASSING onto private property and for harassment. We do have NO TRESPASSING SIGNS on all sides of our fence that are exposed to the streets, alley and right of way for utility access. The two hippies were stunned and the silence was beautiful, just beautiful. wisp o man and ms. stink bush asked to be taken back to the celebration which the officers complied with. The officers did return that evening to let me know that I could file trespassing charges against them which I am considering. They had advised the four fairies to stay away from us, off our property. It turns out that these four did not even live here. They had come over from Eugene, a city over in the valley where old hippies and freaks go to die. I know all about Eugene, Berserkley of the north, as we lived in that area for over 20 years. They are also members of several different environmental groups. You know the type, the ones that file lawsuit after lawsuit to stop as many logging sales or any other project that might provide jobs, as possible and that is just for starters.

A few thoughts here on the above and beyond. It is not too hard to see that since obama became the first muslim illegal alien potus, our country has been and continues to be altered in many ways, and none of them are for the better. From the NBPP, OWS, down to a small group like the one that harassed me on my own property, these commie, socialist people are feeling emboldened and it is like there is NO ONE to stop them or so it seems except you and me. They have the permission, backing of obama, the democrats, and are openly supported by socialists, communists, radical islam and radical muslims. The lame Stream Media, the drive by media, whatever you want to call them, are now corrupt beyond what any of us could have imagined. obama, elected not because of his qualifications or experience but on the color of his skin. All his records are sealed, his education, travel and health records, all sealed right after he slithered into the highest office in the land. He refuses to release these records and for good reason(s). He knows that what is contained in them will prove that he is not legally eligible to be potus, that his education and life are nothing more than lies and fabrications of the far left who hate our country, just like obama was raised and trained to hate the United States. This person, who this country was so enamored with back in 2008, that they foolishly and BLINDLY elected him to be president, has had one scandal after another, has run up more debt, and is trying to run our country into the ground so he can become defacto potus for life or dictator. obama refuses to acknowledge and govern by the law of our land, the Constitution. He has made it very clear that he will circumvent the Constitution ever chance he gets. This is from someone who 'taught' Constitutional law yet knows nothing about our Constitution. His entire life is a one giant lie and losers like the four that bothered me want to give him four more years? You think it will stop with just one more term? Look what it took to stop Hitler and that is where we are headed.

I need to close with a word of support about those who are in Law enforcement. Most of the police, sheriffs, highway patrol officers I have met in my life (and there have been a lot!) have been pretty decent people. Yes, there are a few that are young, snot nosed punks who get hung up on a power trip and abuse the authority and power given to them. I have been abused and roughed up by some of them. There were a few times I got what I deserved and times when I did not. Those who serve in LE on the streets, highways, on those remote roads where backup may not arrive in time, often have a tough, thankless job. They never know which shift may end up being their last, never again walking through their front door to be greeted by their loved ones. I know there are those of you who dislike any and all who serve in LE and that is your opinion and your right. I have a few friends that in all honesty have had just one bad experience after another with the police. Some counties here in Central Oregon only have two or three deputies to patrol a huge area where meth labs and crime are rampant. The number of LE officers killed in the line of duty has alarmingly gone up and this number tragically continues to rise. Just my thoughts and it is time to bring this one to closure. I can hardly wait for earth day next year. Maybe the four fairies will come back for round two? One can only hope and next time who knows what might be in the tank sprayer?

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