Commissarka Pinkie
HEY KIDS!
It's that time of year again, and you know what that means! Back to another fun-filled year of re-education, indoctrination, nutritious meals you'll never get at home, and best of all--mmm mmm mmm--Barack Hussein Obama will be coming to your classroom on September 14th to give his second annual “Back-to-School Address!”
And just like we did last year, you can count on The People’s Cube to provide you with plenty of in-depth analysis of his speech from our distinguished panel of commentators, starring some of your favorite Cube characters!
Here's a sneak peek at what we can expect to hear from President Obama on Tuesday, September 14th:
His hope that you had as fun a summer as he did—swimming, golfing, bicycling, eating ice cream, learning how to use an umbrella, and buying shrimp!
His entreaty that you need to study hard and come to school every day, because every time you’re absent from class, your school loses precious federal dollars needed to pay the unions without which your teachers can’t teach!
The same old stories about when he started a new school in Indonesia, and felt funny because he was different from the other kids.
Embarrassing new anecdotes about Malia and Sasha.
Something about his mother, who was single, by the way.
How he never liked homework, never liked studying or work of any kind—and he still doesn’t—but he didn’t have Harry and Nancy to do it for him back then, and you don’t, either.
You have to be smart if you want to be president, even though the First Lady tells him he’s not very smart. In fact, she tells him at least twice a day.
His plan to give schools the money they need for more teachers, better equipment, textbooks that have been copyrighted in this century, and other tools you need to learn. But a partisan minority of Republicans in Congress keep wanting to play games with your lives and your futures to score political points, by refusing to allow the necessary legislation to even come to a vote.
Now here’s a fun project you can do during the speech: Count how many times he says “I” and “me” (first person pronouns). Then count how many times he says “you” (second person pronoun). See if you can subtract the first person pronouns from the second person pronouns without getting a negative zero difference, and you could win a prize!
And here’s another fun project: Every time Obama says one of the following, draw a circle around it! See if you can count how many circles you make! Afterward, you and your classmates can sit in another circle and discuss how you feel about it, what you think he's trying to tell you, and whether you think it's any different from what he said last year--or in any other speech he's ever made.
“Make no mistake”
“Let me be perfectly clear”
“As President”
“When I was a boy, growing up in . . .”
“My grandmother always said . . .”
“That’s why, when I became President”
“I know my mother always . . .”
“Like many of you, I had to grow up without a father.”
“There is no silver bullet for success.”
“As your President”
“I have two girls”
“There is no silver bullet for getting a good education.”
“Since I’ve been President”
“Just the other day, Malia asked me . . .”
“Before you can get the keys to the car, you have to learn to drive so you don’t end up in a ditch. Because there’s no silver bullet to get you out of it.”
“As long as I’m your President”
“Now is the time. Now is your moment.”
“Whatever you blah blah today, will prepare you for yada yada tomorrow.”
“Did I mention I’m the President?”
EXTRA CREDIT: Add your own pointless platitudes! Then mix everything up and see if you can write what you think Obama’s speech will be!
The person who comes the closest will win Pinkie’s prestigious Beet of the Week award!
Original article is here
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